The Beginning of September

This is the beginning. I start tearing open my life and being honest about who I am. I'm scared.

Where do I start?

How about I start with what happened last September and somewhat explain the name of the blog.

I'm married - 8 years. I have kids. My husband and I don't get along very well. You'll come to see that's an understatement.

So I cheated.

I fell in love with someone online who was 15 years younger than me. I met him one day and had sex with him. Not even good sex. But I was happy. Just happy to be with him. He said he was in love with me too. I was convinced. Then...the night after we parted - talking on IM with him - he suddenly wasn't in love anymore. Thanks for telling me before I screwed you. He did later apologize and say that he did really love me. Doh?

So I tried to kill myself. Overdosed on Tylenol PM. I very nearly accomplished the suicide. I was thisclose to death.

This was the real defining moment for my life since then.

There are many days lately that I regret not succeeding in my attempt.

I'm lost. I don't know how to go on. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change this. And the worst part? I'm taking my kids along with me on this terrible journey. They deserve so much better.

And so it begins.